(part one… there may be more)There have been archeological expeditions that have captured the mind and heart of the general public, which many archeologists have made a good deal of money from, and even got to attend parties where they were not laughed at. So, but only a few archeologists ever learned how to consume beer without becoming boring old prats! Amazing, but true. I even met one archeologist who not only had a girl friend but also even got her in the sack without having to pay! But this is very rare… a one in a million type thing. Most archeologists discover nothing but broken dishes.
Rarer than an archeologist who is getting some is one who makes a discovery which can change the world as we know it. Deep in the bowels of a cliff-top cave one archeologist made such a discovery, a discovery which would lead to their DEATH! A horrible hideous DEATH that is so disgustingly demented that I take great pride and pleasure in sharing it with you. Anna Conda led her team of individuals up down under through the grueling passages and caverns of the cliff-top caverns to stumble across the Cave Of Doom, the Crack Of No Return, the Empty Bottle Of No Deposit Or Return… the Gateway of the Gods themselves.
There, in the bowels of the earth itself, they made a discovery which would lead them all to madness (
see slide one). The discovery of rock painting so illuminating that it would burn their souls out of their sunburst bodies and fry them like omelets in the sight of the Gods who would sprinkle them with peppers and green bits of chives and serve them up on buttered toast with coffee and a small glass of orange juice.
The first to die most horridly was Condo Minium, the Peruvian Sherpa known for his great fear of heights, his irascible irritability and long hours of bathing, who repeatedly threw himself from a low height unto the ground until he died. Some have suggested that the cause of this madness was llama milk that had gone off, others that he simply snapped, but the few who were there know otherwise. In her report Anna Conda tells us.
“We suddenly realized only too late that Condo was fluctuating erratically. It started as rapid rising and falling of emotional states, he would swing erratically from highs to lows. He would often yell out warnings that his bottom was dropping, falling out and then suddenly lose interest. Then, one day, he lost it all. That was when he died. We were startled at first, but is soon became apparent that there was going to be a lot of paper work.”
Slide one (
previously posted) depicts the “WAR CHILD” doing the War Dance. In the upper corner we discern that the War Child is on good terms with the Sun God who beams upon her from a blue cloudless sky. Of particular note are the number of sunbeams… four. Could this be an allusion to the four horsemen of the Christian apocalypse? The Four Corners of the earth? The four sheets to the wind?
Much has been said about the colour scheme, the yellow and red of the figure possibly suggesting an early knowledge and understanding of the circulatory system, to mere supply and demand of pigments. Anna Conda herself pondered this.
“We were uncertain if the cave was lit or dark when the paintings were made. It is possible that the artists were on a “Sacred Quest” and stoned out of their gourds or that there was no light at all and the colouring is simply hit and miss.”
Another question that has been in great debate is the apparent baldness of the clearly female figure. This though turns out to be an illusion rather than fact. In detail we can see a tuft of pink emerging from the skull. (
see detail) This to some is clearly hair, where others suggest such ideation as thought emanations, antennae, a twig of flowers, or frothing foam, likening the head of the body to the head of a beer. (
pink beer?) In this case the pink froth would then be interpreted and great intelligence that flows forth from the frontal lobes indicating a superior mind.
The one thing that all agree upon is that the War Child is “hot”... really hot.
As we descend from the upper caves through the open chambers we are surrounded by the handprints, footprints and bumprints which one assumes are merely defaced walls. Perhaps the left over pigments found their way into the hands of the easily amused, though of great sociological significance it is to be noted that to this day there is a great fascination with bum prints as can be witnessed by the number of Xeroxed images making their way through the office towers of our modern cities. How far have we really evolved from those ancient primitives who with daring do painted the caves and caverns in ages past?
Anthropologist Margaret Meanderthaller, in her critically acclaimed anthropological text “I Want To Go Down; Sexual Expressions of The Primitive” concluded that the caverns symbolically represented both the external voyage of progression to the inner sanctum and the inward expression of self knowledge through physical examination to the Holy of Holies. Here the descent of the passage reveals a clear association as the second major image, that of the War Child in transit in a war canoe descends along with us.
Amid archeologists the question of the boat itself causes some controversy. Here, unlike the watercraft of the Egyptians the War Child’s craft is one of planks versus reed mesh. Could it be that the early Australians were that much more advanced in maritime matters that the Egyptian Pharaohs? What purpose could there be for such advanced watercraft? The image clearly shows the waterway as being Sur la Terre, or underground. This, along with the superior craft would seem to indicate that naval advancement unseen on earth until the rise of the Phoenician fleets. It is not impossible then to consider if the ancients of Australia in fact gifted Maritime knowledge to the world. To date there is no theory able to disprove this conjecture.
The high back and prow indicate an ocean capability, though the depiction is that of white water travel. What devices could enable the passage underground of a white water canoe? There are no personal floatation devices depicted, nor any swimmers. The vessel progresses downward to the right, in to the depths of darkness. The cavern itself twists and turns as it continues downwards as well in a rough corkscrew alignment.
Geologist can not yet explain what forces created the caverns. There is no indication of water erosion or volcanic exhaust. Though rough to the touch the walls, floors and ceiling are also geologically smooth. Given the depth, the bends and twists of the caverns it is almost unfathomable to consider that these could have been man-made and yet no other explanation is forth coming. Sadly the upper two chambers have been well visited in the past and present and can not today reveal much to resolve this mystery.
This? Oh, that’s just a bandage… it ain’t nothing… I’m good… no it doesn’t hurt, just looks bad though… can’t have the roses without the thorns and I am not sure that I don’t love the thorns just as much as the blooms. Not that I got it from the roses as such… I was picking the raspberries... tripped and fell. There will be fresh berry muffins later.
